15 Minute Easy Red Dead Redemption Pizza

Pizz Ingredients

Pre-made Pizza Dough from Trader Joe’s

cherry tomatoes

whole milk mozzarella

asparagus

green onions

lemon slices

Martin's Red Sauce Substition Ingredients

Butter softened
Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper
Spices (uh you pick it’s your pizza)
Garlic minced
Lemon zest
Lemon Juice
Red pepper flakes
Maybe Cilantro, or something green.

Takes 15 min , Serves 4 .

Instructions

Softened butter 2 to 1 ratio to the olive oil.
In go the herbs spices salt and peppe, whisk, and spread on your dough.
Arange sliced mozzarella and tomato on base. Place back in oven until cheese dough is a nice uneven tan.
Sprinkle with chopped basil, dip in blue cheese dressing, or sprinkle with salt.

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is messy, so is cooking. So are all the food blogs I read. Full of ads, banners, pop ups, and orchestrated photography. I get it, ads generate revenue, long form content keeps visitors on your site longer, but at what long term cost? Honestly, I don’t care. I wanna make it, then eat it, minus your journey from couple-hood to motherhood to running a monetized food blog in Utah. I’m anti ads anti content that isn’t realistic, I love Roman sculpture not Greek. And I’m certainly not going to censor my potty mouth for you when I don’t for my kids.

Getting to it...cooking isn’t rocket science, but it is science and if you fail to recognize that, you aren’t going to make delicious things with any consistency.

Now let’s answer the question: what's for dinner over there?

Pizza. Of the Vegetarian sans red sauce variety. So probably none you’ve had carnivore.

Caveat baker: I don’t cook from a recipe, especially when making something new, original, or whatever. If I do make something from a recipe I source at least three different recipes and make it from the best advice I can gleam. All spice is optional, aside from salt, Mom.

Tonight I’m making pizza, but not your traditional pizza of bread, red (sauce), and dead (animal), I’m gonna fuck around and make y’all something different. Since we are slaying hobgoblins of consistency then tonight I’m slaying pizza sauce and meat toppings. We are replacing the red with an idea I flat out stole from Jets. (If y’all ain’t eat some Jets, home of the four corners, y’all ain’t had real Detroiter pizza.)

First the foundation, the dough. I don’t always have time to make dough, I actually don’t make the dough ever, I use the pre-made pizza dough from Trader Joe’s. What you don’t have a TJ’s? Then I guess move, hayseed. Or find a pizza dough recipe, I’m not here to do you work for you, open a new tab and google it. Also the comments are closed for a reason, and that is because I’m not looking for your feeedback, I don’t have time to monitor you, nor the patience to respond. Or any extra empathy to spare, if you fucked it up Karen, own your shit. Rule one in my home is: If you make a mess, clean it up. It works in all aspects of life, and it means own your mistakes. Besides Sometimes the fuck-ups are tasty.

Next Martins Red Sauce Substitute:

Butter softened
Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper
Spices (uh you pick it’s your pizza)
tonight I’m using
Garlic minced
Lemon zest
Lemon juice
Red pepper flakes
Maybe Cilantro, or something green.

Instructions

Softened butter 2 to 1 ratio to the olive oil. In go the herbs spices salt and peppe, whisk, and spread on your dough. The more spices the better but to a point, I mean that because, white lady, we want to taste our food.

Toppings always include tomato slices or cherry tomatoes, tomato adds the umami, and whole milk mozzarella. Do not make a pizza with that skim milk trash. Skim milk is waste milk, skim milk mozzarella is trash cheese. You literally aren’t fat because you had full mozzarella.

Tonight’s additional toppings will be asparagus and green onions an maybe some lemon slices for the gram.